Skraeling Letters

Subject:	Rambling
Time:	8:28 pm.
Mood:	calm.
Music:	Everything Changes - Kathy Trocolli.

Here's me in an attempt at doing a better job at updating my journal like I used to do.

My birthday came and went. The highlights included getting my camera back, fixed and free of charge, Lindsay (and Lauren) driving down from NoVa for the weekend, not having to work on Saturday, getting a Nano iPod, and getting a phone call a few minutes ago asking if I (finally) wanted to go full-time at the shelter.

We finally have a dining room table. Lindsay showed up on Saturday just as I was on my way to get it. We didn't get the one we wanted but I think what we got looks nice. Besides, the apartment looks complete now, especially since we've been here how long? That's right, 7 months.

I really need to clean up my closet. I've never had a walk in closet until now but it's like having a small room that is always messy. Everything is clean, I swear. I just never manage to get shit off the floor and hung or folded on the shelf. And I really should cause it makes it so much easier to find stuff when I need it.

So tomorrow is my last time doing anything for Aeropostale. I never even planned on working there, I just needed a job to hold me over through the holiday season. I'm glad I got out, especially with the offer Ms. Bettye made me at the shelter. It wasn't terrible terrible working at Aero but the amount of work/inconsistent shifts/schedule was not worth the pay. At all. I was making less than I have ever made working in retail. I just needed something at the time to hold me over/keep me busy. I'm glad I was able to help them through the crazy holiday season but I'll either go back to Gap or try another form of retail (aka Barnes & Noble) next time.

So last night I went to Tony's for a bit after Christine left. Lindsay wasn't in the mood to be the only girl at a gay party and she was tired but I wasn't. I planned on only being there an hour but after the akwardness passed, I felt comfortable? Awkwardness, you say? Yes.

First of all, I saw Aikee who I hadn't seen outside of American Eagle in God knows how long. Only made the more awkward by the first thing out of his mouth being "I heard you don't like me anymore ... that I'm a whore ... a bitch... but I love you!" Granted he was drunk but still awkward. Old times came up and I simply said that I just never saw him anymore (it's been 3 years since we really hung out) but that I didn't think he was a slut/bitch. He's one of those people who is consistently surrounded by people, the life of the party so I was never sure if we were really as good friends as we carried on to be. That was me, back when everything about this lifestle was new. Now I don't get hung up on these things.

But he and I were cool and we exchanged numbers so we'll see what happens. I do recall some fun and crazy times with that kid so maybe we can make some more fun memories. We'll see.

The other awkwardness was in the form of Tony's friend Adam. He too I had not seen in 3 years and didn't really ever think I would, much less last night when Tony sent me an IM saying to come over cause he was having people over. One weekend with Adam and a bunch of other people drove me from the scene in Hampton Roads and into the scene at W&M. That and me tired of the constant slew of boys/alcohol/clubs/etc that were fun for all of the 10 minutes that they lasted. In that weekend, I felt like someone's like project as my hair was done up in a way I hated and my clothes were picked out for me. From bars to parties, all the while intoxicated, that was a long Super Bowl weekend that I felt was a turning point for me.

Okay this entry has definitely gotten out of hand so I'm gonna go for now. I'll update on the offer made to me tonight and maybe I'll know what my new schedule will look like.

Laters ^_^

Saturday, January 6th, 2007

Time:	10:09 pm.
Mood:	bitchy.

How many of you are bothered by someone say a friend or a significant other or relative, answering their cell phone, checking their voicemail or sending a quick text message?

I mean seriously. There are situations (job interviews, etc.) where that is out of line or yes, rude. But come on now, on a level of 1-5, if it's someone you see on a daily/often basis, is it that rude/big of a deal?

Input please.

Wednesday, January 3rd, 2007

Subject:	Digital
Time:	11:14 pm.
Mood:	bouncy.
Music:	Do Ya (Feel The Love) - Love Inc..

Tomorrow is gonna feel like Christmas.

I hope I don't have to work at Aero tomorrow. Next Tuesday can't come soon enough.

But yeah, I''m getting my car at last!!! And my new cell phone cause for some reason the screen on the current one decided it would start to flicker and eventually go black *shakes fist* And my dad ordered me my new one the day after Christmas but it was mailed home instead of the apartment so I have had no new gadget to fiddle with - sad day.

But tomorrow night I will fiddle with the new phone after I get home from work. If I work at Aero tomorrow, it will be from 10 - 3 and then I'll be hanging out with my dad before dropping him off at the train station before heading off to Safehaven to work a few hours (I love making money).

I've also shipped off my digital camera whose screen also decided to act up despite me not using the damn thing much. It was a graduation present to replace the one that was broken/stolen this past year that I had gotten for my 21st. It's much smaller and better than the old one but for some damn reason, the screen decided to go black one night that I was snapping pictures before hitting up the club. So hopefully it'll get fixed for free or for a low cost and I can start using it again.

My speakers are amazing as is the subwoofer accompanying it. And my credit limit was automatically increased which is nice. Especially since working at Aero has resulted in ruination (I know it's not a word) of two of my American Eagle jeans. I bought a pair on Monday that was priced at $49 but ended up being $19.99. And the sweetest thing about them is that online, the only size left was a 48x32. So that was a nice surprise but there are 4 if not 2 other pairs I really want so I'm thinking I might use the card for that since I've been very good about not using it in the past few months.

Yeah, right. :P

Sunday, December 31st, 2006

Subject:	Old & New
Time:	7:31 pm.
Mood:	cheerful.

Howdy y'all, how goes it?

I know it's been awhile ... I'm glad to see many have not taken me off their friends' lists but I am sure am wondering, daydreamin who???

Anyway, hope everyone had a great holiday and are preparing for a fun night. Me? Well, Mike & I just bought a bunch of food and we have some movies to watch. The champagne is chilling and it looks like it will be a fun and relaxin' evening here in Newport News. Which is fine 'cause last year, New Year's Eve was off the wall and my birthday is around the corner so I can really celebrate then, you know?

So this is where I've been since April '06

May: dealt with finals ... finished up my short stint working at the Peanut Shop (which recently caught fire a few weeks ago, sadness) ... enjoyed and cherished all the ongoings of graduation ... finally worked on my resume ... had my first interview (Dept. of Juvenile Services) ... chilled/hung out at home for 4 weeks

June: moved into an apartment with Mike in Newport News ... took a lie detector test for first job ... continued to job hunt ... 2nd job interview (Keystone Residential Facility) ... referred to my 3rd job interview (Safehaven Shelter for Abused & Neglected Children) ...

July: offered part time position (Safehaven) ... hired full-time (Juvenile Detention) & accepted it

August: began training for job ... started new job ... decided the job wasn't what I was looking to do despite the amazing pay and minimal amount of work I had to do ... continued to job hunt ...

September: left job at Juvenile Detention Center ... started training for part time job with Safehaven ... enjoyed the company of the W&M crew that had returned for another year of work & play ...

October: doubted my confidence in my desire/ability to want to work with children ... unsure of what/where I wanted to be with my career ... 4th job interview (Freedom Furniture Co.) ... 5th job interview (First Investors Coroporation) ... 12 hour shifts on the weekends at Safehaven cut back (my choice) ...

November: 6th job interview (Aeropostale) ... got the job ... promoted to stock supervisor within 3 days ... life seemed to be better ... Thanksgiving in Newport News ...

December: crazy work (shitty pay) at Aero ... happy that my credit card limit was increased ... more hours given from Safehaven ... two weeks notice given at Aero ... and now...

I'm just hoping this will be another good year for one and all - enjoy and be safe ^_^

Sunday, December 24th, 2006

Time:	2:16 am.
Mood:	drunk.

Don't ask me why but this is my song of now ...

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now
Here he comes

He doesnt look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined
When you were young ... "
~ When You Were Young, The Killers

Friday, October 20th, 2006

Time:	5:40 pm.
Mood:	anxious.

I think I might have made a dumb decision just now but I have not yet excuted my plan. I just know that right now, the anxiety I am experiencing and the questions/doubts I have about my abilities in something I made myself believe I wanted/could do is not worth it.

Maybe I'll regret this, maybe I won't.

I just cannot afford to continue with this knot in my stomach, my inability to eat (I lost 4 lbs just this week) and my constant panic attacks. They say 'give it time' but is the time that I give worth the above mentioned? Aside from when I left W&M for a semester, I don't think I've ever been as torn up as I have been this past week. To say this has been the longest week of my life since school ended is understatement. The nauseous feelings, the uncertainity, and the frustration have been almost too much.

If this wasn't the 2nd time around that this is happening, I wouldn't feel as bad. I just need to do this for myself, right?

Maybe the results of Tuesday will help set my mind and conscience at ease and make this easier for me to carry out.

I know I'm going to do it. It's just how I'll feel while I do it and afterwards that I'll have to deal with when the time comes. I just know that those feelings won't compare to how I feel right now.

If you think you know what I'm talkin about, feel free to give some input or advice. I know this sounds very cryptic, especially since I've been so absent from LJ these past months. It's reasons like this that I have stayed away 'cause since school, nothing has been certain or as pleasant as I thought it all would be. Writing is my therapy but we all have our problems, issues, etc. so why should I add mine to the list on here?

Give me a month and I'll feel better in some way.

Th

Friday, October 6th, 2006

Time:

3:12 pm.

I don't support gay marriage

I support our troops overseas

I'm pro life

Thursday, October 5th, 2006

Subject:	Eyes
Time:	9:05 pm.

Argh!

The contacts that I wear have been discoontinued. In June I had a full eye exam but due to my move to Newport News, the doctor said he was unable to get me new contacts. I have a copy of the full exam that I have been meaning to take to a new doctor when I find the time (and money) to make an appointment.

What I want to know is where can I go see an optometrist and be able to leave with at least a pair to hold me over until I can afford to buy them in bulk or something?

Does anyone know? I've been checking out Lenscrafters and I'll probably visit the store tomorrow but if anyone has any advice or been in a similar situation, I'd welcome your input!

Monday, September 11th, 2006

Subject:	Think Twice
Time:	8:15 am.
Mood:	nostalgic.
Music:	Forever Young - Alphaville.

It must have been the middle of the week before, maybe around Wednesday or Thursday. Wed had gotten the schedules for the cross country meets for the season. The first one was on the upcoming Tuesday. And I was not looking forward to it.

I just wasn't ready for it, mentally and physically. Sure, I had joined the team for the exercise and not to prove myself as a star runner. I did it to have fun and get in shape not to mention friends like Jimmy, Alejandro, and the Gallghers were on the team as well. Practices had been going well for the most part but I just wasn't ready for the first meet.

I remember talking with Alejandro and I think Jimmy about coming up with an excuse not to run the first meet. Like anything one doesn't like to do- the longer it gets put off the harder it is to do when you can't avoid it any longer. I knew I'd have to run a meet eventually but at the time I just didn't want my first one on Tuesday. There had to be an excuse I could come up with to avoid it. Anything, no matter how bogus and obvious it was I didn't want to run, no matter how much teasing I got from Charlie.

I remember the day before, Monday afternoon, running with Manny to the location where practice started. We were talking about the meet and I think he too wasn't in the mood to run it the next day. We joked about excuses to make up but by that point I knew I'd have to deal with it. Damn it.

I remember as Monday afternoon turned into early evening, how sunny and beautiful the day was, you could feel fall just around the corner.

Or something.

The next morning went on as any other morning, getting up, getting dressed, laying in bed again until the last minute, getting to school, talking with the guys, going to Econ. Then back to the main building since Econ was in a trailer, to Calculus. And getting through most of Calculus, if not in the last minute of the period when Kenny Hewitt came into the room.

And that's when going or not going to a cross country meet didn't matter as much as it had the afternoon before or much less the week before. Nothing that day mattered after news about the events in New York traveled through the classrooms of the two small hallways of my school.

Rumors alaso spread but regardless, school was cancelled and a lot of the student body and staff squeezed themsevles into the lounge area in the middle school area to watch the news on the big screen. They're the ones who saw the 2nd plane while the rest of the school tried to keep order and control the cars coming and out of the parking lot.

Getting to Virginia from Maryland, or back into DC or out of DC into VA or MD was the main priority at that point for there was talk of the bridges being closed. I don't think that ever actually ended up happening, but I'm not sure.

All I know is that within seconds life in this country, life in the world, had changed entirely. In short, the events of that Tuesday morning made me realie that sometimes the unexpected can lead you to think twice about everything in your life.

Remember.

Tuesday, July 25th, 2006

Subject:	Super Sized
Time:	9:00 pm.
Mood:	gloomy.
Music:	Ice Cream- Sarah MacLachlan.

Lately I seem to be whining. This is just another whiny entry.

This weight loss business is not going well. Not going well means I'm stuck in the 158 - 160 pounds range, at a height of 5'5. I could be happy with that weight IF it weren't for this 'spare tire' of mine. I swear, if it was gone, that would be the fifteen pounds I was aiming to lose this summer.

Last summer I went from 169 to 155 in like 6 weeks which was amazing. But then again, I went to the gym 4 out of 7 days, ate spinach salads religiously, stuck to mostly wine when it came to drinking, cut out ALL soda, and of course, was on my feet the majority of the day between walking to class, working, and walking to get this and that errand done.

Maybe once I start working and have to be moving about more often than now I will be able to shed a couple of pounds.
For food these days we eat mostly tuna, pasta, sandwiches, baked beans, chicken, mac and cheese, and mashed potatos. And of course we eat out / do drive thru but I don't think it's any more than we did last summer. And I always get a chicken sandwich whenever I can or a turkey sandwich or something close to healthy. Except for when we do Chinese and Mexican.

As for the walking, well that's pretty non-existent since walking to these jobs isn't imaginable. I don't really walk when I go on errands either because Jefferson Avenue is soooooo busy and I don't like crossing big roads if I can avoid it. Sometimes I walk to Target and whatnot 'cause they are 5 minutes away. But that's not very often.

Every now and then I break out into a solo dance party but it's pretty short lived.

I have gone running in the evenings a few time but that's only if I haven't made it to the gym or I'm feeling really energized.

As for the drinking, well I have cut back a lot since graduation. By cutting back I mean I usually only get drunk one night a week, maybe twice a week but that is rare. And my poison of choise? Usually wine or vodka with diet soda or the lowest calorie mixer in the fridge. Yes I've had beer but only when bowling or in the rare ocassion that it's in the house and I'm already too drunk to notice/care. But even then it's only a can, maybe a can and a half.

At the gym, I vary my work out. I must say though, my legs are looking great. They used to be my pride, especially my calves. I'm confident enough to say that I think they are looking very good and if I keep at them, they'll be the calves I've wanted for a long time. I wish I could say the rest about my midsection. I'm not concerned with my arms yet but my mid section- UGH.

My waist size is 30. I have broad shoulders that make me look like I lift weights or have played rugby/football. I get asked that often actually - do I lift weights, have I played football. But I'm only 5'5 so I have a big upper body and a small lower body. In other words, my body is not proportional. And it sucks. Cause I have NO ASS (not necessarily a downer) but if I could grow 3 more inches, drop my midsection to my ass then I think I might have the body I want. Or at least be more comfortable with, you know? But yeah, I am not proportionate and I Wish I was cause then my body would look better.

How do I lose weight or tone up my obliques? My stomach isn't as bad I think as it was in May but still - not very happy yet.

My mum hasn't seen me since early June. Maybe if she saw me in August she'd notice if I'd lost weight or not. I guess we look very different to people than we see ourselves when looking in the mirror.

Maybe I should post a picture on here (not shirtless of course) and see what y'all think. I just haven't been too cool with my body in a long time and it's literally the only thing I think about 24/7.

Any advice, input??

My next entry will be about the odd assortment of movies I've been watching lately.

"Your love is better than chocolate... better than anything else that I’ve tried... oh love is better than chocolate... everyone here knows how to cry..."

Sunday, July 23rd, 2006

Time:

10:39 pm.

We may not have a dining room table or chairs, or bookshelves, or dressers...

But we have a sweet entertainment system that includes digital cable and a DVR box which is similar to Tibo.

And you can bet I've taken full advantage of it during the past month and a half that I've been here, waiting to get started with my jobs.

My latest obession since before school ended is Law and Order: Special Victims Unit primarily because of Elliot Stabler (Christopher Meloni). And cause I just find it more interesting than L&O and L&O Criminal Intent.

Another interesting show I've discovered that I highly recommend is Footballer Wives on the BBC channel. I'n not quite sure which season the show is in right now though looking at the website, it seems that this is the last season. But what I have seen of the show is enough for me to want the past seasons on DVD. Think Desparate Housewives, throw in hot British soccer players, add some drama and you have Footballer Wives.

Sunday, July 16th, 2006

Time:

2:07 pm.

so Limewire seems to have stopped working 'cause I keep getting sent to an artist direct page

what do y'all use to download music that is free? a friend had downloaded bearshare once on my computer and an ad-bot scanner found tons of stuff coming from there

I guess Limewire exposes my computer to that too?

I don't download as much as I used to but it would still be nice to have something to rely on

suggestions??

Saturday, July 8th, 2006

What European City Do You Belong In?

Subject:	On the Table
Time:	11:41 pm.
Mood:	busy.
Music:	Right Back Where We Started From - Maxine Nightingale.

You Belong in Barcelona

When it comes to Europe, you don't want to decide between culture and fun. You want art by day and a big party by night.
Barcelona is ideal for you. You can check out some Picasso, eat some tapas, take a siesta, and then dance all night!

( Decisions, Decisions... )

Last weekend was nice. Kate and Karen drove up and they went apartment hunting Saturday. They're between my apartment complex and this place like 5 minutes down Jefferson Avenue from me which would be just as awesome. I've been helping Kate with her resume so hopefully she'll get a job soon too so they're move in September will be good.

Jimmy came down on Saturday a few hours after the girls left. He and I hit up Express and American Eagle for some new outfits for the club. We made chicken parm and Alexis drove down for a little pre-party and pictures. She drove us to the Wave where it was hot crowded and the music was a little less than great but we nevertheless had a sexy time, dancing on the floor and of course the stage.

Jimmy left Monday and Mike and I had a quiet 4th, that included me getting a membership at Bally and makin steaks with mashed potatoes.

That pretty much sums up my week of events. He leaves for Vegas on Monday and he's still at work (it's almost 12:30 AM) as I write this so I'm hoping he'll have a nice time with his dad for a few days.

Peace bitches!

"Do you remember that day... when you first came my way... I said no one could take your place... and if you get hurt... by the little things I say... I can put that smile back on your face... "

Tuesday, July 4th, 2006

Time:	4:30 am.
Mood:	hyper.

oh my god

in 2002, I was obesssed

I wanted GERMANY to win

this year I just couldn't/ wouldn't deal with it

but Germany vs Italy ?!?!!??!?!!?

shut up, I know I'm late in saying stuff but in 2002, if I had had this journal you would have gotten sick of my entries about the World Cup... and don't get me started on Portugal vs. France 'cause WOW no idea...

Saturday, July 1st, 2006

Subject:	Howdy
Time:	1:25 am.
Mood:	ditzy.

hey bitches

what's up?

UGH UGH UGH UGH

i've had so much free time to update this journal but I am sooooo bad at actually doing it.

I guess I'm only doing it now 'cause 3/4 of the QTs are under one roof tonight

by QTs I mean the Quad Team of the last four years that included me, kate, karen, and cassie

right now, Kate and Karen and catching up on some zzzZZZZ's in the living room *squeals* they're moving to newport news and I'm pretty psyched 'cause hopefully they'll live close by

kate needs to find a job but karen has one with the hampton roads school system, or something like that

as for people needing jobs... I have been 'hired' as of this afternoon I say 'hire' because I 'll be undergoing a 30 day probationary (is that the word) /orientation period to make sure it's what I want and that I can handle the work in August, I'll sit down with the director who I've been dealing with a lot this week and dicuss my performance and whether I'll do well at Safehaven

Safehaven, an emergency shelter for physically, mentally, and sexually abused children, boys and girls, ages 7-17 small facility, pretty cool staff so far, like 10 minutes from the apartment

I have to do some training and whatnot as well as develop my own way of being a counselor and interacting with these kids (there are 9 right now) this week I've spent about 8 hours already getting exposed to them and some of the other counselors

and I like it... a lot so far

so we'll see how it turns out come August but at least I'm gonna be making money... finally

no more worrying about rent and stuff for a while *wipes brow*

I'm re-read the Diary of Anne Frank so back to that now before bed

*waves*

ps if I don't commment enough for you or if you don't remember why we added each other and care to remove me, feel free :)

Thursday, June 15th, 2006

Time:	12:01 am.
Mood:	cheerful.

I.love.my.new.apartment.

minus the fact that we have no furniture yet... aside from a bed, desks, couple bookshelves, and one dresser.

I took pics and they'll be up later, maybe tomorrow.

as for the job hunt, I need to turn in these fingerprints tomorrow- I should have done it on Monday when I got them but I didn't realize that PD was like around the corner from the Junveile Office where I was at *kicks self* I'm hoping I'll be employed soon as a counselor *crosses fingers*

not much else to say but got an idea for a short story that I will probably post later as well.

hope all is all my beloveds :)

Thursday, June 8th, 2006

(4 Day Dreamer Believers |Dream A Dream)

Time:	7:20 pm.
Mood:	ecstatic.

In my possession is a brand new digital camera!!!

It's essentially my old camera that someone dropped and that someone else stole back in March only now I have a newer version- I am so ecstatic 'cause I had gotten the first one when I turned 21 and I loved it. This new one is a belated graduation from my parents and I'm just bouncing off the wall right now ^_^

That being said, I'm off to finish packing and cleaning my room up. The big move is tomorrow and it's going to be a long, exercised-filled day *throws confetti*

Time:	1:32 am.
Mood:	ditzy.

I am in search of some new colognes to try out... the following are what I alternate:

Dolce and Gabbana for Men
American for Men by Perry Ellis
Candies for Men by Liz Claiborne
Aqua di Gio by G. Armani
Ralph Lauren Polo Blue

There were a couple Calvin Klein colognes I tested when I was shopping before formal with Jimmy and Andrew that I really liked. One was summer-like, maybe Eternity (?) that had no price. I've also seen and smelled a cologne with a bottle that's the toned torso of a man- does any use that or know what I'm referring to?

I love my colognes 'cause I vary them between day and night, outdoor fun and indoor settings, and even based on the colors I wear (don't ask me how I manage that but I do) but I want to experiment with other stuff.

I've discovered fragrancesx.com which seem to carry them cheaply- does anyone use this or know of a place where I can find stuff for a reasonable price?

Tuesday, June 6th, 2006